Cloud and Sephiroth
by Torture Rack Cloud
Summary: Another hilariously funny fanfic from the writer of The Cloud Saga!


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Cloud and Sephiroth

Part 1: From Sector 7 to Wall Market-Poor Person's Paradise!

(Cloud…….a strong swordsman who had slain the evil Sephiroth….he lived in Sector 7, which was restored at his orders. Now 7th Heaven lived on, under the name "The Omnislash Bar". Cloud and Barret were sitting inside, having a drink……..)

Cloud: Ah……damn good. So good……(slams glass on table).

Barret: You tellin' me? Don't be all hotshot now jes' cuz' ya blew that ass off the Planet. You ain't nothin' else, Cloud! Not that I'm dissin' ya, mind!

Cloud………whatever……(slurp)

Tifa: Cake's ready!!!

Cloud: OOH! Cake! (rushes up)

Tifa: EEK! (gets tackled by Cloud)

Cloud: (licking) MMM……good cake…..

Tifa: I take it you like ice cream cake, Cloud!

Cloud: Yeah! (stands up) Aw blast, I got my shirt dirty! $#*^%*!

(Cid rushes in wearing a silk dress)

Cloud: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cid: Hey, what's so funny, ya *^%*((&^(????????

Cloud: HEE HEE…

Barret: Gwahaha……

Cid: Shit……..

(sudddenly, Sephiroth appears!)

Cloud: YAAAH!

Sephiroth: HAHAHA! You thought I was dead, but I'm not! Ha ha ha!

Cloud: EEK! What are you gonna do to us!

Sephiroth: SEND YOU INTO……………DIMENSION G!!!!!!

Cloud: OH NO!!!!!! Not……..THE BUNNY DIMENSION??????? ICK!!!!!!

Sephiroth: BWA HA HA!!!!! (he sends them into Dimension G……..)

(later……)

Cid: Where the HELL are we?

Cloud: In the bunny dimension!

Tifa: Bunnies?!?!?!??

Barret: AAK! I'm terrified of bunnies! EEK! They're everywhere!! AAH!!!! (runs around like an insane chicken on drugs)

Tifa: Cute little bunnies! Yes you are!

(suddenly, Aeris is warped in)

Cloud: Hi Aeris!

Aeris: Hi! Where are we, hussy?? Hee hee!

Cloud: Uh…..in Dimension G. The Bunny Dimension!

Aeris: BUNNIES!!!!!

Cloud: Oh god……

Barret: AAH! Get 'em away! YAAAAAH!

Cid: Good *(&^%(*! Where the (&%*%& are we?

Aeris: I dunno, but I LIKE it here!

Sephiroth's Voice: I will make you un-rich…….poor, rather……….you're gonna be slummin'!

Cloud: Aw man!

Sephiroth's Voice: OOGA BOOGA!

(suddenly……)

(they are in……WALL MARKET?!?!?!?!?)

Cid: What the &%*&%^ kinda joke IS this?

(you see, Cloud was wearing various pieces of women's clothes, and Cid was wearing a silk dress, a top hat, and tap dancing shoes in red. And the gates to Wall Market were shut…they are stuck!)

Cloud: OH NO!

Barret: What the-

(Barret was wearing tights!)

Cid: AAK!

Cloud: Oh no! Rats!

Tifa: might as well…make the best of this! BWAHAHA!

Cloud: The best? This is damn horrible!

Barret: This is horrible!

Aeris: (giggles) Let's go to Corneo's!

Cloud: WHAAAAT????

Tifa: Yeah! You and Barret and Cid should go.

(and they do, though under protest……)

(The Don goes up to Cid)

Don Corneo: Hmm…..very healthy young girl….energetic it seems……very muscular……

Cid: The *^*%^*&!

Don Corneo: EH?

Cid: I mean, (ahem) (dons feminine voice) I am, Donny!

Don Corneo: (jumps) EEP! EEP! EEP! A hot one!

(The Don goes up to Barret)

Don Corneo: Ugly, fat, not attractive AT ALL.

Barret:……..

(The Don goes up to Cloud)

Cloud:……

Don Corneo: (jumps) (jumps) EEP! EEP! EEP! You're CUTE! Shy though! Come to papa! HEE HEE! (jumps)

(Don goes to middle)

Don Corneo: I choose………….Number 1!!!!!!

Cid: (In a fake feminine voice) Oh, you hot man you!

(later……)

Don Corneo: What's wrong, sugar dumpling?

Cid: (in a fake feminine voice) Donny…..what's wrong is………(loses fake voice) I AIN'T INTERESTED IN A RETARD LIKE YOU!!!!

Don Corneo: EEP! I've been bamboozled! AGAIN!

(Cid runs out, as does Cloud and Barret)

(they are outside Corneo's mansion)

Cid: Aw *^%&$#&^^!!!!! Why am I *&^*&%% dressed like this????

Cloud: It's something that Sephiroth did, for sure!!

Barret: Les' jes' go to the Inn here……I need the res'.

Aeris: Yeah…..The Honeybee Inn! HEE HEE! (giggles)

Cloud: AERIS!

Barret: Well, maybe we can jes'-

(Barret was cut off by a flash of light. Sephiroth appeared!)

Cid: It's YOU!!!!!

Cloud: Sephiroth! Let's fight!

Sephiroth: Nice choice of apparrel!

Cloud: Eh, shaddap! I WANT TED TED! WAAAH!

Tifa: I have a strange obsession with hot dogs, Cloud, and twisty straws!

Aeris: Tifa, may I'm remind you, I'M the one married to Cloudy-poo!

Tifa: Cloudy-poo????

Sephiroth: BWAAHAHAHAHAHA! Cloudy-poo! HAHAHAHA!

Cloud: Shut up, you! (draws Ouchamune)

(Vincent appears with Yuffie)

Vincent: Cheese Bamboozler Torture Rack to the rescue!

Yuffie: La lee la la……(gets hit by Chinese Throwing Socks)

Cloud: HIYA! Gotcha! Anyway…….anything funny to say?

Sephiroth: I will use my psychic powers to make you put your sword back, Cloud!

Cloud: UH OH! (puts sword back)

Sephiroth: Now……TO DIMENSION Y WITH YOU! THE ALTERNATE CLONE DIMENSION!!!!!!

Cloud: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(there is a blinding flash of light…………)

CONTINUED IN PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
